I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
