Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
