It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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