Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
