just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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