Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
