6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
