A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
