are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
