she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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