I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
