Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
