It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
