omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize