the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
