Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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