I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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