i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize