i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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