3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
