i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
My liver just had a heart attack.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
