I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize