i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I cockslap morals
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
