yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
