thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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