i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize