I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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