I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
