Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I looked at my own cervix.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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