there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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