How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize