Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
