Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
This is my gift to your gina
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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