Soap is not a condiment
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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