Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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