Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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