dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
