Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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