so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
