don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Randomize
