Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
