you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Randomize
