And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
