did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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