haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Randomize
