ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
