she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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