I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Also, beer. Big fan.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
