She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
In other news, I just burned my penis
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
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