I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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