she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
