feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
