If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
