I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
