my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
