i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
My penis needs a shock collar
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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