Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We left an ass print on the piano.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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