The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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