A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
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