even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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