Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
