Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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