I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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