I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize