the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
