dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
