ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
