put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize