Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
