Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
