do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
