I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
