You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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