You're a womanizer and a bitch.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
