I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
