Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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