a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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