College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
sarcasm needs its own font
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
