She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
