Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
