I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
