this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You need a sexual gate keeper
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize