I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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