well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
